Confession: I want a cat so fucking bad.  I have wanted a cat for years and have been so excited to live on my own so I can get one.  And I finally live on my own in literally the perfect situation at the nicest fucking apartment complex and they don’t allow pets.

it’s cool to be told I’m immature for not being able to properly handle literally yhe most humiliating thing i’ve ever done.  for having gone through with it, had it fail, and then not having the composure to do it again because if I had to in that moment I would have vomited everywhere.

i screamed into my hands when i got in the car, I tore at myself.  and to see your message that I have no right to be mad at you? that I should be sorry for not having the maturity? just because you made it seem like you offered to do it with me, and I told you I was scared to do it alone because what the fuck would I do by myself if it’s positive. what do I do?and then you give me a hostile ultimatum and tell me I frustrate the shit out of you.

did it not occur to you that I didn’t want to be alone in that moment because that is soething I dont know how to handle

I have never regretted telling you something before.  And right now I have never regretted something so much in my life.

Almost every night I go to bed terrified for you

Do not get close to me or god forbid date me because I can be such a shitty destructive person I’m a professional at hurting feelings.
0/10 do not recommend

I’m a reckless, foolish girl that breaks other people and shouldn’t receive half the care I do.

You don’t even want to talk to me and you literally have to pretend you are alone to make yourself feel better. I am 100% powerless and I am bringing you nothing but pain and I am grasping at straws and anything possible to help but right now it straight up sounds like you want nothing to do with me and oh my god. Tomorrow was supposed to be a fun us day and I took it away without even realizing what I was doing to you.

I’m so fucking oblivious. How the fuck can I be this fucking dense. I do things and I don’t think they’ll have any consequences when in reality I fucking destroy people.
I was screamed at yesterday by my dad and now today by you. The worst he’s ever yelled at me and then the worst you have. And then you apologize for it, and then continue to tear me down for it, saying I’m not sorry and highlighting exactly how I fucked up. And now you are in the pits of your depression and I am so fucking scared for you. Please don’t do anything. Jesus Christ I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself, ever, if you do. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I had no idea, I am so sorry.
I’m saying I love you and you’re not saying it back and you’re saying you’re having a hard time believing me and oh my god. This was something that was important to you and I fucked it up.

I hate when you shut me out and won’t tell me what’s wrong. It makes me feel useless.

Lying here like a sadsack. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything. But I also dont want to be here. I feel like shit, I am so fucking depressed what the fuck do I do.

My feelings are hurt and now I’m just stuck with my shitty mood and boredom all day with no one to talk to.